Love me still?

Tags

happy, life, love, personal, relationships, thoughts

I’ve always marvelled at the sight of couples who look like they’ve spent their whole lives together..still happy, still in awe at the view they wake up to every morning, still… very much in love.

I never understood how but then maybe today I did, maybe its just something as simple as appreciation. To not let a day go by for them to wonder if they’re still ‘it’ in your eyes. Maybe we misunderstand this idea of appreciation by thinking it involves lavish gifts or date night at an expensive restaurant which really isn’t…those aren’t the best kind.

We deteriorate, physically and those you love..leave them long enough and you’ll let their mind wander to places you don’t want minds to wander. They’ll wonder if you’re still as attracted to them as you were when you had to earn them and thats just it… attraction is priceless, attraction you cannot fake.

Respecting, communicating, understanding, that…you can get by with but with a life so short do we really want to spend the rest of our life waking up to someone we respect, are able to communicate with and understands us?

I always wanted that crazy about each other forever and can’t get your hands off of each other, love. I’ve always craved a love so deep the ocean would be jealous.

I remember being a teenager and I never believed that one could remain attracted and by attracted I mean pause 5 seconds when you see them walk out of the room and thank the world for the way it works and that you’ve found yourself together… remain attracted in the way where you still go damn son….

I also remember being a teenager and I marvelled at the sight of this boy… tall and slender, slightly crooked nose, lashes so thick you’d want to replicate it for a fake eyelash and a head of hair to match.

8? 9? years later, a few apart, many together… after thousands of days I still need a breather whenever I see him. Given of course on days I intend to pick a fight, the marvelling has to be low-key.

Intelligent, courteous, well spoken, kind… He was never ordinary, never just him… he was always outstanding as a person, he looked the part too especially in his uniform. I still get giddy when he fixes his hair in front of the mirror though I rush him and call him vain. I still look at clothes and think it would look so so so so so fine on this fine fine fine looking of a person. I still embarrassingly catch myself being crazily attracted oh hot damn to this person and that I think you cannot fake. I still take random pictures of and silently play this creepy hehehehehe so handsome voice in my head.

Is that key? Remain crazy attracted and letting the other know aside of course everything else you already read on Elite Daily or Thought Catalog- communication is key etc etc etc…….

 

 

Literal Circle of Trust

Tags

friends, life, love, personal, work

Do men actually think we girls sit together in a coffee shop for hours and discuss our lives? CAUSE THEY’RE RIGHT! Well they’re right for the first time ever as far as I can remember because we don’t on a normal day but some days be the exception to our general rule – HAPPY STUFF ONLY UNLESS SAD STUFF NECESSARY.

We were helping Pipi with her teaching stuff one afternoon cutting stereo foam bunnies holding a book (WHAT) in a cafe that we chose which specifically had huge tables and many chairs so we can work in peace LOL and other kindergarten stuff-

p/s: Pipi is a kindergarten class teacher and she loves her job which naturally makes her go all the way for it even when she isn’t required to. EVERYBODY SHOULD BE LIKE PIPI.

So Emi and I were helping her out and we had occasional stops to check our phone and busily message each other’s boyfriend (mine is imaginary, i check e-mails and twitter but pretend they’re my boyfriend(s) HAH)

A half hour into it Pipi thankfully said thank you for being so supportive in her career and I so casually replied don’t know what but something within eh *giggle* or something around the lines of its fun anyway trying to cut short this emo bit. IM SUCH A BAD FRIEND ): ): but Pipi was totally fine with it..well i think she was HAHAHA. Emi and I continued cutting stuff from circles and triangles that were going to be made into a big sun stuck on the wall with velcro. Apparently the circles and triangles will second as a way for Pipi to teach them shapes too…. If this is not hard work I don’t know what is. I’m sweating from the mere thought of it -.-

Pipi was suppose to go to law school with me btw but she totally ditched pfft i guess now i know why!!!!! hahaha her heart is always for something a lot more….cute/noble hehe.

A few hours later Tiera arrived and brought a tub of Milo Ice-Cream into a cafe…..that I’m pretty sure would prefer no outside food but life is too short for rules I suppose….#thuglife

We talked and worked and cut more stuff and eventually talked more than we worked which was ok because we were done hehehe. AND THEN LIFE HAPPENED. Tiera brought up : Sometimes it feels a bit empty right? Life. Like you want some things to be different. Not everything only some.

I ALMOST FELL OFF MY HUGE CHAIR THAT IF I I DID I WOULD NOT HAVE AN EXCUSE BECAUSE A BIG FOOT COULD NOT FALL OFF FROM SUCH A STABLE HUGE CHAIR….COUCH….

And then I wanted to cut her off also like I did Pipi…. but decided not to and agreed with her, slowly nodding my head.

Dead I thought…So picked up my phone and starting staring at the icons hahahahahaha thinking to myself how true her statement was, I did in fact wished some things were different, wondered what if i did some things differently and these are things that have lived in me for many many many many many years, things that I’ve never pondered upon, by choice.

Slowly it became a little circle that we had and we started talking about regrets if we had, what we wish would be different in our lives, our struggles be it unnoticed or not (in more depth as we are all aware briefly of the problems we face but never talked much about it), and we got to do things again how would we have done it. AND I FELL FOR THIS LITTLE TRUST CIRCLE!!!!!! Don’t get me wrong I trust these girls with my life and everything but you know what they say about opening up that chest of things i wish was different..it feels good/liberating when you’re amongst your closet but when you turn your lights off at night….it stays with you for the longest of time.

Caught myself feeling a little bit…..sad. We all get sad sometimes right?

I spoke out loud of my regrets… and achieving things I’ve always wanted only for it to feel so normal and unhappy or at least not as happy as I thought I should/would be. Of the love I lost because I was too young because we were too young.

I have always been afraid of many things, of not achieving the level of success I want for myself and of course in this particular sense financial stability, only to have something to warm my heart.

“You’ve always been made for success, you’ve always known what you wanted and you’ve always gone out to get it.”

Alhamdullilah I’ve always had it within me, I thought, Amin to her thoughts on me.

But all of the things I’ve been very very very terrified about, something stood out, have always stood out, although quietly, very very sharply at times. What if I gained all the financial success God has set for me but don’t find the right person to share my life with? It feels like I never will. Is this a quarter life crisis thing because I’ve felt this way my whole life…HAHAHA OMG HELP MY POURING EMOTIONS SHOOT THEM HELP ME BY SHOOTING THEM DOWN.

LOL

Or what if I find that person thinking it is that person and it turns out he isn’t and we have family and it doesnt work out ten years down the road either one of us walks out the door being oh so done. Not to sound like the biggest pessimist but that happens and that happens a lot…..

WELL IF THAT HAPPENS IM TAKING THE KIDS AND MIGRATING TO AMERICA DESPITE TRUMP AND BUYING MORE HANDBAGS AND SHOES TO FORGET MY MISERY AND DATE A CK MODEL. THATS WHAT I WILL DO *crosses arms* hehehehe

Enough about me and my syok sendiri.

I’ve always known that I’m surrounded by strong willed individuals, people that will make good and only good happen in this world, God knows how much we need it but being in this momentary literal circle of trust it opened my eyes to how strong Pipi has been….as a person, sister, daughter….as a human. How she has kept herself together through the ordeals her family had to face (something which isn’t my story to tell). She has grown into such a selfless and determined young lady the past year while keeping her cheeks HAHA and cheekiness that has always been what made people (MEN I MEAN MEN NOT PEOPLE NOT GENERAL PEOPLE OR WOMEN LIKE US BUT MEN) attracted everyone to her. A gem, truly.

Then there’s Emi who has a story which isn’t mine to tell either….but…..no words. Zero. My entire life of being friends with Emi she never uttered a word about how someone is unless of course its only reasonable that she does or you know she’s angry. We’ve all got limits but naturally she is just one a kind. Always listening, always. Keeping her comments to herself and….on top of it all I realised loves her family more than anything else this life has to offer. Its so hard to tell a lot more because then I’ll be giving away things I should be giving away cause CIRCLE OF TRUST but my eyes are all wet just from the thought of it!!! ): ): ):

Tiera…I don’t even know what is she made of…pure patience and love? I REALLY DONT KNOW HOW IS IT POSSIBLE SHE LOVES SO WHOLLY!!!!!!!! When giving she gives her all never holding back, NEVER. Not even after being so bruised by life and its way of biting you in the ass when you’re not looking. If there’s anyone we should security/background/character/sincerity check for 365 (or make it an extra one day for crash interrogation) days it would be Tiera’s future husband cause truly..any man that Tiera decides to spend her life with is really the luckiest man in this whole wide world. I’ve never met anyone that has the capability to love and give sincerely as much as she does.

We then continued to sip our coffee, me on my ice tea because one can only have waaaaay to much coffee before bed… wiped our tears that glittered because i like to believe my friends and i are low-key magical creatures, slowly packed up…talked about our plans for tomorrow..wished Pipi good luck with her class (PIPI IS ALSO A CLASS TEACHER BTW!!!!!!!!! MUCH COOL) and said goodbye as we were all driving home separately.

What a drive home it was that night…..

I love my magical creature friends.

Timing

Tags

life, personal, timing

What is your take on it..? Because I have none, or maybe I do but my current self refuses to agree with my current self because my old self had a different take on it. – cue miss blab blab blab what is she talking about lol.

I’ve never been one to give the idea or wrong or right timing a second thought. I was blunt like that lol. I remember someone giving me the talk about, if we were in a different moment if we met sooner in life..later in life, it may have turned out different.

And I thought to myself while slowly zoning out to his sugar coat lecture.. “You don’t decide if you make it or break it (no matter what it is we’re referring to) according to when it happened.” Sheesh, I mean, work like hell for what you want obviously.. right?

Have also been an advocate of world working around your biggest desires only if you worked hard enough.

I now wish to discredit my old self.

It does matter, although every bit in me wishes it doesn’t. In fact it matters so much sometimes being in the right place at the right time, your life..can change.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Munirah

Tags

adulthood, breakups, drphil, food for thought, life, love, personal, relationships

Warning: This post has taken me quite a while and some editing as it was rather personal but if it helps anyone out there getting over something they thought was for life, I’m all in. One confused heart at a time.

Ok.

Brilliant weekend it was falling on my bum while trail running and getting chlorine water up my nose pfft but glass half full so…… BRILLIANT BUM FALLING CHLORINE WATER WEEKEND LOL..

I thought considering I do occasionally get questions through my email and comments, I’d answer them as they come and the first one I thought I’d share my bit about would be getting over a breakup and how I pulled myself through it.

Ugh love stuff again, I know I know but sadly that is what this world revolves around, a lot of the time. Its the best and sometimes the worst.

So.. how did i get over my breakup?

I don’t know how to get over a breakup because truthfully I’m not over it but I know what makes each day better than the day before…or so i think i do LOL!

Anyway, when it first happened I was in such a daze, a state of mind i never thought was possible and this was as personal as a battle can get. I remember walking streets and seeing glimpses of this person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with and sometimes I would even chase it, in an attempt to pat his shoulders and maybe exchange a hey, a how are you, anything would do. But you see, this ‘glimpse’ wasn’t even a person, it was a mere memory, or even what could be as sad as a shadow- doesn’t even exist. I was chasing shadows, not pavements Adele style but legit shadows…I KNOW! CRAZY! But as i was trying to point out, it was one of my biggest battles ever.

A battle I’m winning, one day at a time. (the world is crazy and yes even relationships can be battles and there will be winning and losing)

I think breakups comes in various settings, there are mutual breakups, breakups cause someone messed up a.k.a WORLD FREAKING WAR, ghosting breakups, and mine was the one without answers and an absolute shot in the brain. It was unexpected and it escalated quicker than Ron Burgundy. One day we were set on doing life together, the next it was like talking to someone I’ve met for the first time and we’re already at the worst possible state two people can be in- but you see..its my first day meeting him, so how was i to approach this madness. Which sort of a person is this, do i leave him or do i talk to him, do i try to figure it out- WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS STRANGER I WAS SO CLOSE TO SPENDING THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH. I was ready to fight, i was ready to fight like hell but fighting like hell wasn’t going to cut it.

This person was breathtaking you know.. he made me more at peace than i ever thought possible, so i was ready..to fight for this once in a lifetime love. I was ready to pull him out of his rut, this rut, our rut, whatever it took, however long it took.

It was late at night, wee hours in the morning actually and he was seated at the opposite end of the park bench and I thought to myself – this must be what absolute heartbreak feels like, you can’t even hear shatters. Shatters put you in a better place because you hear the breaking of your heart, you hear as it lands on the floor, as you watch it break apart in slow motion. Shatters make it real, and shatters also mean possibility of picking the pieces back up and glueing them back together, not perfect but in one piece, hopefully. I wanted to hear shatters. I couldn’t hear my shatters. All i heard was the loudest form of silence. So was it real? Was this heartbreak, this silent heartbreak i was feeling real at all?

It was the realest of reals i’ve ever encountered in my 21 years. In my head I repeated a million times, “You got this, just buy pretty shoes tomorrow, shoes shoes shoes shoes shoes just buy shoes.”

THAT LADIES AND GENTS WOULD BE MY DONT PANIC DONT PANIC DONT FXXXXING PANIC TRICK. Which obviously failed. Sheesh, is my love for shoes dying too? Yugh.

He left.

“I don’t know what I want.”

“I need to learn to be alone.”

“I woke up one day and I didn’t think of you quite as much as I should.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Things change.”

“I don’t know what I want.”

“I don’t know what I want.”

“I don’t know what I want.”

That was the speech I was presented with as I watched the love of my life slip away. #nowplaying Kansas, Dust in the Wind. That was what it felt like, he felt like dust and it was a windy windy evening. This bit of dust was gone and there’s no chasing after a particle as minuscule as..dust.

This was 10 days before new years eve (new years eve which i spent with him as what was maybe a goodbye was the the last time i laid eyes on what at one point in my life was the most beautiful..most breathtaking individual who had such an honest voice.)

Every single day since has been..a daze.

I’ve gotten so angry, then in a split second so sad. I had a solid week of waterworks, I…even had tickets to fly back to London. That was how out of place everything was and how I struggled my way through from absolutely both. But the trick about letting it all go is to truly truly within your means let it all go- which is so difficult, i would know because how do you let something you thought you knew with all your might, go?

Here however are the little details that got me to where i am today. I remember reaching home at 2-3 am one night, drenched and just feeling finished. I thought to myself if there was a day that i should start talking, today would be the day. Today would be the day i start opening up about how hurt i truly am and how if i don’t reach out for a helping hand i’d drown in this daze.

“How are you Adik (the pet name for little sister in a family)? Is everything okay?”

God. The moment my mum looked into my lost eyes, I bawled. “I wanna leave mummy, I wanna get out of this place. I’ve tried but I can’t. Let me leave, find me a place to go, anywhere but here.” I have never in my entire life been in such a low point. (And no not even when they run out of my choice of shoe in my size lol.) But alhamdullilah, the morning after was one of the most beautiful mornings in my life. Ok maybe not beautiful but definitely relieved. I walked by my mum in the hallway and there was nothing to hide, there was no reason to fake a smile and i think that was one of the main reasons why picking myself up was… an okay journey. I didn’t have to pretend that i wasn’t shattered and i think when you come to terms with the fact that you’re hurt and stop masking it with your ego, you are definitely on your way.

I took the longest shower which I’m pretty sure took up the entire water for the day quota in my building HAHA but it got me up and running so… all is fair in love and war? LOL.

Everyday since that first day i come to terms with the fact that i lost the love of my life, again and again but i also come to terms with the idea that i will love again, and better, i’ll love better. I think thats the biggest problem we have when we lose people we love, we hang on to the idea that we will never find anyone like them, we will never find the sort of peace we felt the moment they held their hand on yours-but fun fact, you will. You always will, even when you feel like you won’t, God, please keep assuring yourself that you will.

I went out there, I met so many new people, made great new friends, I changed my hair, I bought new clothes, I genuinely seek to have fun (which i promise you i did) and move on. Its all in the mind. I started running again, I did whatever made me happy, I appreciated those around me more and started noticing the little things in life. I have days where it feels like i am starting from scratch again but that damp black shadow chasing hole i was in, was never as black never as damp. It gets better everyday. I opened myself up and today, the person I once thought was the love of my life i accept is a mere distant memory.

But most importantly, this is what i live with today- I take deep breaths and smile for no reason, i just.. smile. I stopped chasing after people i seek to hold on to future sake and instead i hold on to whatever makes me smile and laugh even if its only for a moment. Whatever, whoever. I truly and not just make it a 2016 resolution to live in the moment. I took a chill pill and i’m at the best state. I lost but God, i gained so much more.

That’s my daily journey and i hope it helps. But if it doesn’t, email me  @ eisyaereena@gmail.com and we’ll hang out- if you’re from Malaysia..? LOL!

p/s: I ALSO SHOP, LIKE HELL. I BUY EVERYTHING I LOVE IN A BLINK OF AN EYE, WHICH I CAN AFFORD OF COURSE. NO THERAPY LIKE RETAIL THERAPY.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

First timers.

Tags

life, personal, thoughts

I don’t know if its just me or it applies to many out there but in the midst of difficulties I think we often forget that the odds are people around us are in as big of a mess, probably bigger. The only difference would be if or not they choose to show or talk about it. We take advantage of so much, of the good people around us because its so easy to remember the bad ones. Its so easy to mourn over loss instead of celebrating happiness.

We’re all doing life for the first time. – A line i stumbled upon from a song, a one liner that explains everything and puts everything into perspective. No one around us has done life before (unless of course you believe in reincarnation, then okay..they probably have lol lucky them huh, sheesh.) I think we rush. We rush into doing so many things and doing so many things perfectly all at once because the world is competitive as it is and God isn’t it human nature to want to win. I know I always want to win, even for the dumbest things, I seem to always need to win. *Really not something I am proud of, and something I will truly work on.*

No one to be blamed really. But maybe, if we take a breather, if we stop to hear the wind or maybe if we look forward to finer things in life, things we often overlook like the blooming of that flower..maybe we’d be happier. Who really knows. A lot of life is try and error.

We forget. We forget that we are not the only hurting and the person next to us sometimes our closest even, are facing challenges we know absolutely nothing about.

We assume. If we don’t forget we go on to assume that everything is smooth sailing elsewhere. We assume the grass is always greener on the other side, something I used to be guilty for.

We give up so easily. We get tired so easily. We assume fallout from a lack of communication so easily. We stop trying so quickly. We throw tantrums in a split second. We, give up so quickly.

God, I wish we would not give up, forget and overlook so easily. I wish we would try harder. I know I’m looking forward to trying harder. New year new goals..right? hehehe.

Just realised all the things i’ve just said are probably note to self. Uh oh.

We’re all first timers.. at life.

 

 

DONT CHEAT!

Tags

cheating, love, personal, relationship

Today a friend told me the worst story.. she had (may still be having) an affair with a guy that she knew was in a  relationship. I was upset…I was beyond upset..in fact i judged her actions. Disappointment escalated into anger in a split second.

Why was I so angry..so hurt by her actions when it I wasn’t even a part of this whole mess?

I was angry because who in the right mind (especially those who know how it feels like to get cheated on) would not be upset knowing their friend is now one of them.. one of the women out there who couldn’t be bothered to respect two people in a relationship pfft. Have some sense of integrity will you not? But i guess that is what people who do this to other people is lacking in, self respect and integrity. Be ashamed, all of you, those who cheat and the ones they cheat with. Yes, this applies to even my friend and she knows that.

Why would you do that? Why would you hurt another person in whatever way…intentionally. Are you not aware the man you are spending your time with has probably promised the entire world to this woman (that you know exist)? You are with your knowledge taking away happiness from another person and that is not cool and that is not at all lady like of you.

(Excuse the extreme bashing on women in this context because i am obviously speaking of my experience today and probably with a hint of bitterness from the past lol)

She then asked me.. “What do i do know?”

The guy has now decided that she was a mistake and will be leaving her and their little sneak arounds. He came clean about his affair with his current girlfriend and is now fixing their relationship (as far as i know with my friend’s story)

I answered, “What do you mean what do you do?”

“You leave, you don’t exist around him anymore, you disappear but before you do that, apologise to the other woman.”

YEAH APOLOGISE.

“Instead of sitting around sulking and declaring heartache on this situation, reflect on your actions. You may have just ruined someone else’s relationship.”

And i started crying… angrily crying because I was imagining what it must feel like to be the other woman.. the one who deserves to be heartbroken and the one who should in all her power be angry.

“But we’re friends and i can’t apologise… why should i…?”

Here is why I think the other woman (the one lacking in self respect and integrity when it comes to someone else’s relationship) should apologise, and not in a send your pathetic sorry notes through the guy you cheated with but instead talk to her, reach out and apologise.

You may be ignored, you may never get a reply, you may even get yelled at or you may witness a crying young lady but… apologise anyway. Apologise sincerely because that is what you should do. You should be sorry for hurting another person. You should apologise for possibly stealing happiness away from another person. Forget about the fact that they would have not have ended up together anyway because these decisions are not yours to decide, its theirs.

“You should pray to God day and night that the person you’ve hurt decides to forgive you and the first step you should take is reach out because I swear if you have enough in you as a person, you’ll live with this for the rest of your life and don’t you ever ever ever dare declare heartache, thats her right, not yours.”

“But what if they’re okay already, and he left me anyway…”

Great if they’re okay. What a great person she must be but apologise anyway.. apologise anyway to the one you’ve wronged.

And the guy… why even bother pfft. What a loser loser loser.

You wanted real.

Tags

adulthood, daily, life, personal

You don’t have to leave home ten years to feel left out when you return, where you spent the earlier days of your life, your childhood. When you leave, you change, things change and life at home moves on without you. We all speak of how difficult it is to settle down abroad, wonder if anyone actually dares to speak about how difficult it can be settling down back home when the most significant days of your life were the days you decided everything for yourself, days where you do grocery shopping without someone telling you to (although you wait till your fridge has nothing but ketchup from takeaways), the days where after a long day at work & school, you come home to an empty apartment. Those were the days that changes a person, that entitles a person to say, I think I grew quite a bit.

With coping mechanism running out for some, I’ve come to realise even the strongest of them all will reach a point in their life where an anchor is a necessity, not  want but a need. Behind the night outs with my best friends, my undying love for handbags and shoes and my quirky conversations with the people around me, I don’t reach out when I can’t hold things together, I don’t think I ever knew how. Apparently I sweep things under the rug, and my rug is maaaaaassive. -.-‘

So basically what I’m trying to say is cut everyone that is confused and a closed book some slack, not everyone grew up being told they can feel what they want to feel whenever they want to feel it geez and we all know how children just buy everything we tell them so parents, elder siblings whatever whoever as long as you know you are a role model to a child, let them feel what they want to feel even if you think its a waste of time. Let them think what they want to think, all thoughts are relevant.

You nasty.

Tags

adulthood, life, personal, rant, responsibility

I think the biggest mistake we’re making as we become more social media savvy is believing everything we see on Instagram or everything another person tweets. We believe it so much we think their life consist only of the things they choose to show when truth is there’s so much more to that person, theres more to him than his perfectly shot pictures on instagram and relatable quotes on twitter. Much much more. That’s what I choose to believe, at least.

I’ve been getting great traffic for the past couple of months since I’ve started writing again, and thank you a million times. I’ve been told I talk and talk and talk and there just seems to be no end to me talking and I also have a weird way of explaining myself so I thought why not… talk to everyone and anyone which is the main reason as to why I write and blog about anything and everything. I’ve been getting great emails too, then on my what was a long distance relationship. I’ve gotten emails telling me to hold on because it’s worth every day without, and they were spot on, of course. Thank you, I don’t think I would have made it as easy as I did without the little convincing.

Besides the great emails I’ve gotten, I get really nasty ones too… which I think was publicly humiliating and thankfully comments require approving or I would have been embarrassed. Openly replying to nasty comments consisting of me having it easy and doing nothing but wasting my life away on trying to look/feel nice, on my dining habits or anything else alike, thanks but I beg to differ.

I think we choose what we share with the world, as I am choosing what I want to write about, what I’m going to say and who I’m going to quote in my daily conversations. I would set myself up there on purpose and share my hardwork/sleepless night/ caffeine addiction following sleepless nights or sleepless nights following caffeine addiction/ exhausting weekends/ done days and sappy saturdays but would that really be necessary? Good vibes over nasty ones, no? Plus would anyone really be interested to hear how I worked 48 hours straight or 100x more when I was in London just trying to be on par with a 28 y/o then solicitor now aspiring barrister, 100x harder because I was international and hiring’s for international in the legal sector was close to 0?

Defending my choice of lifestyle, why bother reading anyway if all you do is bring someone down over their  may or may not be well deserved lifestyle? God, why are some of us so busy bringing another person down when we could easily empower each other and make the world a happier place. Have you guys not watched Disney? OHANA yo. I think the entire world is one big family, I choose to believe it is. I’m probably not making any sense here but you get the idea…

Just because someone decides to pick what they share with the world be it on social media or anything else, there’s always usually more than what it seems… always.

A very very defensive and mean me would say : Now pick your mean and sorry ass up and walk far far away.

A sensible, 21 year old me would say : Thanks, I have come to a realisation that I in fact have it easy in life. I’ve always gotten what i want after a brawl with my shiny swipe cards but that doesn’t mean I’m not thankful everyday for all that I have.

 

Pow

Tags

daily, personal

Handbags aside… for a split second hehehehehe and food for thought: We owe the people who give us a hard time the most. Easy is pretty but when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. Looking forward to more difficult times cause its only when you’re tested you discover who you are and who you can be.

Now excuse me while I reach for a tub of Ben & Jerry’s Red Velvet. Heh.

My 20km +- run and a conversation.

Tags

comedy, happy, marathon, personal, running, runs

So today I ran. And it was meant to be a short, say 9,10km run but it obviously turned out differently(my title of this post). Not only did I get wet in the rain that just abruptly happened 10 minutes into my run, it happened ONLY when I was 10 minutes into my run and I had quite a distance to go. So after my phone pinged indicating I had completed my 10km run I thought..’meh its still early and why bother i’m wet already’

At say 15..16km into my run I started having conversations with myself and the point of this blogpost is to share the few conversations I had with, well, myself trying and pushing my bum/legs to hit that 21.6km mark I accomplished today.

(The km marks are not exact..)

15km: Oh what a drag I could be at home watching suits now, damn that harvey specter damn that job of his damn jessica pearson must run must wear the tight fitting dresses jessica pearson wears! Can we even wear those dresses in a firm? How do you sit all day in those..can you eat lunch? Do you need a corset..? Must google this, aih how long more omg

15.5km: Ashton Kutcher is kinda cute too, (god-like perfection) hehehehehe.

15.6km: OMG FEELS LIKE I HAVE BEEN RUNNING FOR 5 HOURSS!!!!

15.7km: I’m just gonna walk from now onwards *mentally flips hair*

15.8km: WHAT WALK!! EISYA YOU HAVE A MARATHON IN JUNE WHY ARE YOU SUCH A BUM!

15.9km: Blergh its just one day anyway, I’ll make up for it tomorrow hehehe okay time to walk ~

15.95km: Damn it I won’t make up for it! must.keep.going…plus i’ve ran a longer distance what on earth this should be a breeze ~

I think I remained focus for about 1km and started blabbing in my head again at about 17km hence,

17km: I’m quite funny in my head, I mean I’m mentally laughing so why don’t people laugh at my jokes..am I becoming Adam, omg I need to stop hanging out with him

17.1km: Adam is kinda cute huh..okay gonna give him a call later wuhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

17.2km: Okay maybe not, i’ll wait for him to call me hehehe

17.5km: COME ONE EISYA DONT GIVE UP NOW ARGH OKAY WALK JUST WALK YOU DID GOOD!! ARGHH NOOOO KEEP GOING KEEP GOING WHAT WHAT WHY AM I ARGUING WITH MYSELF WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH ME!!!

18km: Woah this car is letting out some serious smell….eeek, avoid tree avoid treee….. ahaha how simple is it to be short when it comes to avoiding trees, I bet Adam can’t bend like I can..short is good short is fun..until concerts duhhh

19km: Gotta google what Jessica Pearson does to stay so slender…what is her real name i dont even know omg..

19.05km: GOOGLE KNOWS IT ALL!!!!

19.5km: Might as well knock a half marathon!

19.55km: OKAY MAYBE NOT! I’m just gonna walk who cares anyway ~~~~ dududududududu

19.6km: So why am i not walking yet why am still running?

19.61km: Maybe its a sign to continue runningggg okay lets do this!!

20km: Half marathon halfie halfie wuuuuuuuuu

20.1km: Oh uncle is waving oh uncle is saying something oh oh wait is he oh wait focus don’t embarrass yourself !!

(an uncle driving by was telling me to not give up and to keep running, he cheered me on!!!)

20.1km(cont): OH UNCLE IS CHEERING ME ON SHOW HIM A THUMBS UP!! WALAO GOT MALAYSIAN SO SUPPORTIVE HAAAA!!

20.5km: WOW that uncle was so nice..not like that fella pfft won’t even stop his car for me….ALMOST RAN OVER MY TOES OKAY!!!!

21km: okay walk now…i just want to roll home.

(checks phone….21KM ALREADYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!)

21.3km: Okay sprint sprint sprint but don’t roll over and fall…hehe happened last time didnt it..lets go!

21.5km: I’m hilarious in my head sprint sprint blog about this later!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

21.55km: Don’t forget a selfieee, dont look like a man!

21.6km: BAM!

This was the conversation I had with myself 15km onwards, it doesn’t usually happen this way. I usually just motivate myself in my head but this was a real conversation and I just thought it was funny! The words of course weren’t the exact words that was in my head but its 99.1% accurate.