As i am writing this, i am also contemplating of deleting another draft I had saved earlier- one that makes me sound a lot more capable of being in conflicted emotions, but i’d rather not, just yet.
As i am writing this (part 2), i am also currently unable to put Paulo Coelho’s Adultery down. Contrary to the title, its not fifty shades of grey *married version* but more, much much more than that.
Bought this a couple of days ago in Curve and was just giving it a chance, Coelho is in fact one of my favourite writers but when Adultery was released..I just never gave it a second thought, unlike his other books (Witch of Portobello) is one of my favourite and holds one of my most fond memories in a little London Cafe somewhere near Holloway.
This whole thinking spree of mine started when I was engrossed in my book and a random stranger decided to join me. He must have thought what a lonely soul I was considering I was alone- is it not socially acceptable to be? I enjoy great company but I too enjoy some me time. Anyway, this random stranger turned out to be amazing company, worth throwing a receipt in my book to mark my last read page for.
We talked, for a while. He had amazing insights on many many important issues in the country but I’ll leave that to the depth of his published books. Man, it baffles me how intelligent people just decide to come up and speak to ME. Lol, me the one who loses her spectacles everyday and squints at the whiteboard in revision classes to manage one word, and give up.
He then asked me the million dollar string of questions.
“Are you married?”
“No, no I’m not.”
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
“I can’t seem to make anyone want to stay.”, and i giggled trying to mask the truth in that sentence.
He saw past that giggle.
“Did you have one?”, he continued.
“I did, I don’t anymore. We parted ways.”
*Thought to myself: its sad enough he saw me on my own thinking I needed company, pointed out I am not seeing anyone once, why am i now highlighting it on a pink billboard on Federal Highway..?*
He then went on to tell me a brief story of a love lost.
“I had a girlfriend when I was studying. I was smart, I didn’t think I was then but now, when I’m older and that intelligence is of almost no use, I remember how intelligent I actually was, I just doubted myself to no end.”
I nodded, acknowledging his story as he continued,
“I was from VI (Victoria Institution).”, he said, sounding a little disturbed that he is an alumni, sounding almost…if he had control of his past he would have chosen a different school.
“I believe in God, very much. A lot of things that as happened in my life, I leave it to God to show me the way.”
“Do you believe in God?”
“I do, very much.”
“Well, this girl I loved, still love to this very day saw the best in me when no one else did. Imagine, a boy like me and a tall, beautiful white girl. My mother believed in me. She believed in me. I wanted to bring her home, I wanted to be with her, but you see, she could only do so much here and I didn’t want great possibilities in her life to end just because, love.”
“So i left the states, leaving her behind knowing deep down, it was the right thing to do although I wish she was coming with me..”, he said as he looked down on his shoes and cleared his throat.
Man, am I glad I am open to random conversations with random people. Imagine what I would have missed out if I never exchanged smiles with him as he walked by the little Starbucks that led to all the restaurants down the road towards e-curve.
“What does the boy do now?”
“The boy? The one that left? Oh somewhere with the government, I think. He was previously attached to a fellowship initiative with the government.”
“And you? What do you do?”
“I am just trying to get enough sleep between my CLP classes.”, I joked.
“Do you still speak to the boy?”
“Oh no, barely ever. He has found someone else, and well, we move on.”
“Are you angry?”, he asked sounding extremely concerned. Like a father to a daughter. One, I barely had.
“Oh no, I just don’t find the reason to speak to him anymore but things happen, usually for the reasons we’ll eventually find out and I’m okay with that, now I am. Some things are meant to be, while some, are meant to be forgotten.”, I answered as I finished it off with a little laugh.
“This girl I told you about, remember? She was my gift from God. A gift that was only meant to be mine momentarily, not forever. She showed me who I can become if only I took a second to breathe and appreciate myself. She believed in me so much that I started believing in myself. It is for her faith in me, it is for God’s faith in me to be able to take care of her for that short time, that I am who I am, where I am today.”
He smiled, looking almost relieved to be able to tell his story to someone who might be able to put the wisdom to good use. As i said, like a father to a daughter.
“This boy, you were his gift from God as he was probably was yours, but I believe God gives only the good for his people, so maybe he wasn’t your gift.”, he joked.
“Sometimes”, he said. “People don’t appreciate gifts as they should. Even if the gifts came from the higher power. All we can do is know that we have given our best and the rest of our path, let God walk us through it.”
He then went on to give me advice on universities I should do my masters in as he was a lecturer himself.
“Aim high, higher than high, aim the highest you can. When they told me to aim for Harvard, I laughed but I telling you now because nowhere a good heart and a good head can’t take you. Aim high and wherever you choose to go, whatever you choose to do, I’ll pray for you. I’ll always pray for you.”
A few minutes later, his wife walked by finished with her shopping and they went on to enjoy the rest of their night while I reopened my book and continued where I left off, pretending like the conversation I just had did not shake my soul. (ceeeeh)
We kept in touch and have exchanged a few emails. He is now looking to meet up so he can give me the books he has read over the many many many years, and I am thrilled he has chosen me to share his wisdom with.