I often underestimate how spot on my mum can be on things, anything – be it from if that shirt makes me look short and fat to if a man is right for me. I think growing up, I was pretty self righteous and I thought I knew enough to make my own decisions at 15,16,17,18 and so forth. I thought I’ve had enough life lessons until it dawned upon me slowly but surely this past July that even at 21, my mother has lived longer and knows better..
I remember at about 19 where it became evident to my family members that i was seeing someone and at that moment in time pretty head over heels over that person. You’d be surprised how head over heels you can remain even after being in love with the same person for.. at that time almost 4 years? Unrequited love, young love whatever they call it. It makes you do crazy things which i partly regret (sorry mum). I thought I knew the final destination, relationship wise at least, cause I thought this was it, you know? You’ve spent enough time fighting for and with the person, you’ve gone through enough hardships to believe that this is it. Enough sacrifices were made, enough yelling, enough everything. At that time it was clearer than anything else that the love you settle down with are the most difficult ones, the ones that has the most obstacle etc. I’m not however saying that good love requires 0 sacrifice, it does sometimes but don’t benchmark sacrifices and arguments as your definition of an everlasting real relationship, cause it isn’t.
19 almost 20 and my mum sat with me, asking me if this was it? Was this going to be the person I spend the rest of my life with? She was happy for me as long as I was happy with my life. I never had doubts about anything, I always knew where my life was heading, what I was gonna do as a career, how everything was gonna turn out in my life. I had plans, a 5 year plan, a 10 year plan, they’re all right there and even when faced with obstacles, I knew anyway that nothing was gonna get in my way. I was pretty certain my 10 year plan would out, even quicker than expected even. I was cocky you could say or maybe over confident but I’ve always believed in not having a plan b because when there’s nothing to fall back to, you work even harder for plan a to work out- it makes sense in my head, it doesn’t have to in yours.
Was this going to be the person I spend the rest of my life with?
“Adik kahwin ke dengan this person?” my mom asked me. (Are you going to marry this person, my mum asked me)
“Don’t know la mummy, don’t want to talk about it.”
Me, not wanting to talk about it, me not knowing was not me. I always knew, remember? When i didn’t know that was my mum did. She knew that I would walk to the end of the earth for this relationship but she also knew that when I reach the end of the earth, I’d turn back, finding my way home. She wasn’t very far off.
She had my back throughout the years, she had my back when I lied about all being okay when deep down she knew it wasn’t. I wanted it to be okay, because I’ve invested years in it, of course I wanted a fruitful outcome. 5, 6 years of ones life isn’t something you gamble on.
I’m 21 today and I’m telling you that sacrifices, arguments and hardships can never be your benchmark to an everlasting relationship, sometimes you’ll know and sometimes you won’t but when you don’t, talk to your mother. They always do.
My mum has always told me that it doesn’t require that whole load of argument I have on a daily basis, it doesn’t require that much sacrifice, it should not consist of lying or yelling or hurting each other or anything that would worry you. It should consist of two adults who sit over their problems and two adults who know when it is to let go if you’re not making each other happy anymore. It should consist of two adults who wants the best for each other even if the best doesn’t have them in it. Today I learn that when she thinks it may not be it, the odds are, its not it. But thats okay, invest your time, invest your feelings, I may be wrong, who knows?
But mum, you were right, you always were. Thank you.